real estate listing lingo

I’m preparing myself for house hunting. I’ll most likely be ‘seriously’ looking by the end of the year but I enjoy torturing myself by browsing through the current listings and getting depressed.

I know they say the housing market in Michigan has crashed but I’d still say that the majority of it is way out my reach financially. I don’t really know who could afford it. Apparently not many people can since there are so many places in foreclosure.

This is my second time purchasing a place so it’s not entirely foreign to me. But I find the terms they use when trying to sell a place so amusing.

Here are some of my favorites:

Great potential
Translation: this place is a dump, hope you have a good imagination

Pottery Barn decorating
Translation: we aren’t going to neutralize the décor of the house so hope you don’t mind dark red walls and a lime green bathroom

Bank owned, sold as-is
Translation: the previous owners couldn’t afford it anymore, you probably won’t be able to either but we’ll sell it to you anyway

Cute as a button and very cozy
Translation: hope you’re skinny, its really really little

Recently updated
Translation: we fixed it within the last ten years

Trendy neighborhood
Translation: you’re going to pay too much for something you could get for way less somewhere else

I’ve also looked at the rentals. Since a lot of people are having trouble selling their places, they are renting them out. But there is definitely something whacked going on there. Either they got hideously bad loans with monstrous interest rates or they are delusional about trying to make money off renting.

Somehow - and perhaps this is just me - but I’m not willing to pay $2000 a month for an 1100 square foot condo. I can get a freakin’ mortgage for less then that.

And the sad thing is that I'm not looking for a gigantic place. I want something modest that I can live in for a while and not want to upgrade again in the next five years.

Every once in a while I will not set an upper limit on the price when I do a search. Just for giggles, just to drive myself over the edge. (Its very effective.)

The most astounding one was a brand new construction house that was 7500 square feet that is for rent for $15,000 a month.

What a bargain, I think I’ll get that one.

*sigh* I’m wondering what the going rate is for cardboard boxes set up along the edges of highways…