27 October 2008

job posting


Full time studio minion to do my bidding on a whim.

Responsibilities include: sewing hanging sleeves and labels onto the back of art quilts, washing out paint brushes, vacuuming the floor, changing movies in DVD player when they run out, cooking gourmet meals, searching the web for exhibit opportunities, obsessively organizing, tending and watering of pitiful plants within studio, winding yarn skeins into neat balls for leisurely knitting, quietly hand dyeing cotton fabric in the corner for future projects, talking artist off the ledge during angsty bouts of panic, holding artwork up at a distance for review for long lengths of time and various other unspecified activities that will grow into a never ending list of tedious boring tasks that are currently making the artist bald and insane.

Required skills: Skilled in the archaic art of hand stitching and no whining

Compensation: Undying gratitude, beads and donuts.

Application process: Stand up and wave your hands wildly to draw attention to yourself. Bounding up and down repeatedly is also helpful.


She-who-used-to-be-known-as-Fibra-Artysta-but-has-now-lost-her-mind-from-sewing-down-six-sleeves-in-one-day-and-has-more-waiting **sob**


Yarnhog said...

Well, I want a wife.

You know, someone who will get up in the morning, make the coffee, wake the surly younger units, make their breakfasts and lunches and take them to school, walk the dog, clean the house, start the laundry, and THEN put in several hours of work in the hopes of actually bringing in some money before picking up the younger units, driving them to football, music lessons, science club, etc. and then swinging by the grocery store to pick up something to cook for dinner.

A wife. That's the ticket.

Kat Campau said...

Sorry to hear it. I guess you're not the one to ask for help with my 33 little quilts then?

Anonymous said...

I would love someone whoe could mindlessly take over my job and allow me the time to stay home and create! It's that Atist Comune coming into play again! Any Takers? LOL

Anonymous said...

If you happen to find an extra person who would do all that stuff, send her my way! Patty.

teri springer said...

Add me to the list of "she who needs a wife." I also need someone good with numbers to get my tax shit organized and entered into Quickbooks to send to the accountant (he's whining again) and to keep track of the cost of materials I put into a work (also to keep said accountant from whining).


Oh, and a boy-toy to entertain me when I am not working. But I need the wife first so I can enjoy the boy-toy.


Jane said...

Yikes - I just noticed from your sidebar that you're doing NaNoWriMo this year. You might want to hire two studio minions!