Dear Mr. Arachnid,
I understand that you and I have our issues. Its understandable. I find you creepy in every way humanly possible and you have objections to me repeatedly smashing you with heavy objects. I think we are both justified in our dislikes.
However, I take issue with the incident of one of your own today. It was uncalled for, underhanded, and quite frankly, an open invitation to me to wage all out war on every single one of your kind. Lucky for you, you make me scream like a little girl so the odds of me seeking you out (even for the purpose of destroying you) is highly unlikely.
I was in a zen mood today. It was a lovely, although rather windy, early autumn day. I was heading out to the American Sewing Expo for a day amongst my people. I struck out into the day armed with a travel mug full of some pumpkin flavored coffee. I happily sipped at the mug as I drove, humming along to the radio.
And that's when it struck.
Coffee is supposed to be smooth. There should be no lumps of any kind. Much less lumps that have the ability to squirm in your mouth as they attempt to crawl across your tongue.
I don't appreciate it when spiders take a swim in my coffee. I appreciate it even less when I drink them. I appreciate it even less when they remain alive and try to escape.
I did what any rationale human being would do. I spit coffee across my dashboard and all down the front of my shirt. After I pulled over, I found the offender and chucked him ruthlessly out the window. (Luckily I dress in a dark color palette so staining was not a concern. I considered forging ahead but I smelled like a pumpkin pastry and could only imagine the looks I would incur as I walked through the aisles.)
I must admit that his presence certainly helped in the awakening department (the coffee was a little weak) but I still did not find the experience pleasant.
So I am lodging a formal public complaint against all spiders. Please let your kind know that I will show no mercy, am considering buying a small hammer to assist me in the smashing of you when you come near me and I do not feel the least bit guilty about it all.
You have been warned. That is all.