21 April 2008

The Evil Side of Spring

Allergies oh allergies, how do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways..

*I have turned into a human booger factory. Alternating between requiring a Kleenex box strapped to my face and needing to breathe out of my mouth to avoid suffocation. You are cruel, dear allergies, very cruel.

*While others frolic amongst the new flowers and budding trees, I can only give dirty looks from afar lest my face implodes from extreme sinus pressure.

*I am often mistaken for weeping, as my eyes puff and run at alarming rates. You take great pleasure in blurring my vision, and I hate you for it.

*I have acquired the ability to sound like a goose when I cough. This is neither attractive nor comfortable and I resent it.

*There is little relief in the way of medication. The woman laughing and smiling on the telly after taking a miracle drug is a filthy liar. These pills turn me into a stoned dribbling zombie.

*You strike at any given moment. The instant the weather begins to warm, I feel my face start to swell right along with it. You suck the joy out the new season. You are truly the devil.

*You have, however, given me a new clan of people to identify with. I sympathize with my fellow allergians when I see them snuffling through the stores. Then cringe with the realization that I also resemble Rudolph with my red nose. Allergy sufferers unite!

*You make eating an adventure. When you have turned my nose into a solid block of yuck, not only can I not taste what I am eating, I have to do it very quickly in order to avoid smothering myself.

And yet, I would not trade spring for the winter. I'm happy warmer weather is here, although I would love it if you would cut me a little slack. And while I'm at it, could spring please do something about the pesky bird that likes to hang out in the tree outside my bedroom window and sing (loudly, repeatedly and not in any type of pleasant harmony) at the first speck of daylight? Doesn't he know I only get to sleep in two days a week?

Maybe I'll get lucky and the bugger will get an allergy attack that causes him to loose his voice soon...

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