08 May 2007

Another thing I don't get...

I'm not one for musing on the great merits of what art is and what art isn't. My feeling has always been, if it makes you happy, then do it. I still remember when I was teaching at my store and I would say that to my students and they would look at me like I was an alien. It still blows my mind how many self-imposed rules we throw at ourselves when it comes to making art.

So why in the hell am I not following my own advice?

They (you know They, They are very smart and know everything and always have something to say) say that that the best way to develop a style is to work in a series. They say it makes you look more professional, more developed.

I say They can shove it.

I tried following Their advice. I've determined its not for me. I made two of the same concept and am totally in love with the first one. I'm dreading working on the next one that is started and very similar to it but just a little different. Its boring to me, feels too much like a production. So what does that mean? Do I lack commitment? Do I lack professionalism? Will I never be taken seriously because I do one-of-a-kinds? I don't care what it means, its sucking the joy out of the process for me.

Its not making me happy. So I guess I won't do it.

I've been spending a lot of time lately trying to figure out why I even make art at all. I'm going through an angsty period right now about it. I feel like I've lost my nerve when it comes to doing stuff that makes people go "Huh?"

Somewhere along the lines my work became polite. It became self-censored and I started toning it down so that more people would appreciate seeing it. I don't know why. And its making me unhappy lately.

I feel like I need to re-evaluate my style, make it more meaningful. Maybe embrace the deeper issues I spend so much time thinking about. Why don't THOSE things show up in my art? Why do I spend so much time doing abstraction rather then just saying what I want to? Why don't I just say it already and be done with it? When did I start worrying so much about what other people think? I make art for me. No one else. And I've always said that I please myself first and if someone else likes it cool, if not, then that's okay too.

I've noticed that I'm asking for opinions while I'm working lately. I don't normally do that. Its causing me to pause, making me realize that something isn't right here. Something has shifted and I'm not sure what.

These are the thoughts running through my mind. Quite frankly, I'm getting tired of hearing them so I guess its time to go do something about it...

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