The Devil (aka Daylight Savings Time)

When the alarm went off this morning, I layed there and spent a good five minutes trying to figure out what day of the week it was. I couldn’t recall if it was Saturday or Sunday. So I went downstairs and the dog threw me a dirty look for waking him so early (it was 6am) and I went to stare at the calendar. Which wasn’t really the brightest thing to do because, really, if I can’t remember what day it is, how is the calendar going to help me? Its not like a map at the mall with a big giant YOU ARE HERE dot marking the day of the week.

So I flipped on the TV so I could check the date on the cable guide (yes, my sense of time has gotten that bad, this is what happens when I work this much) and saw that it was indeed a Saturday and I had to go to work. (There was swearing.)

I was also reminded by an incredibly annoying perky blond babbling on the news that tomorrow begins Daylight Savings Time. Seriously? Someone give me strength because I really don’t need to loose an hour of sleep. I hate hate hate Daylight Savings Time. I think its idiotic. It makes me bitter and grumpy and just generally surly for the first week while I adjust to the difference.

So in honor of this hideous tradition my state is intent on observing, I bring you my Top Ten Reasons Why Daylight Savings Time Totally Sucks:

1) All the other states in the country that don’t play flip-flop games with their times, laugh and point at us and call us names. Its kind of like when you were a kid in grade school and your mom dressed you funny and you just knew you were going to get teased for it.

2) It speaks to Michigan’s desperation for winter to end that we attempt to trick ourselves into thinking we have sunnier days by turning the clock forward.

3) If you are technologically challenged, changing the times on all the clocks in your house can be the equivalent of having your fingernails pulled out. (If you can’t figure out how to change something, its not really all that annoying that its off by an hour. Ask me how I know.)

4) If you can’t figure out how to change the clock on the coffee pot and coffee doesn’t get made in the morning because the timer isn’t right and you stand there and stare at the empty pot in disbelief because it doesn’t seem possible that the universe would deny you coffee and you have to walk around coffee-less and cranky and frantic because the splitting headache is creeping in and there’s no time to make some and no time to stop on the way in to work and….well, let’s just say it’s a bad thing.

5) The dog will not take kindly to being woken up an hour earlier just for the sake of going pee. Try convincing a westie clinging to the sofa for dear life that yes, he does want to leave his comfy warm spot to go stand ankle deep in the wet freezing snow to tinkle.

6) People will drive dumbly. (Is that a word? Maybe I’m getting dumbly.) Their schedules will be thrown off and they will take it out on their driving. Beware of the dumbly driving people.

7) You’ll have to listen to that one person who likes to obsessively calculate what time it would be if Daylight Savings Time hadn’t happened. Smack them, go ahead, it’s a mercy and they need to snap out of it.

8) It makes work come one hour earlier each day. Daylight Savings Time is the devil. The devil, I tell you, the devil!!!

9) For the time zone difference challenged, this doesn’t make life any easier. I can’t tell you which way is north, south, east or west and if you ask me what the time difference is between here and California, you’ll get to watch me go from intelligent to utterly stupid in two seconds. Tossing Daylight Savings Time into the mix just helps to push me over the edge.

10) If you can’t tell what day of the week it is (I know I’m not the only one), now you won’t know what time it is either. Rock on.