When I decided to take a brief break from my project schedule, I never really thought it would last this long. I realized today after talking to a friend that its gone far beyond what it should have - I'm completely without focus.
And its making me really crabby.
Not a constant on the surface kind of crabby but the kind that let's that obnoxious voice in the back of my head that spews nothing but negativity have too loud of a voice. I always imagine her as a bully on the playground, the kind that just can't stop yapping and makes you want to go yank her pigtails so she'll be quiet.
She has nothing nice to say. Makes me doubt things that I shouldn't. Kind of whiny, generally obnoxious in every way. She's definitely a mean girl.
So in an effort to make her shut her trap, I pulled out one of my favorite books:
I've read it a couple of times. She's a no nonsense kind of writer and I admire that. I think I was looking for some kind of answer, a label to put on my general sense of blah that keeps sneaking up on me.
And I think I found it. From the book:
"You are in a rut.
A rut is more like a false start. A rut is the part of the journey where you're spinning your wheels, spitting out mud behind you, splattering other people and not going anywhere."
A rut. Damn. Not sure how I got here. Maybe its my work schedule that sucks up so much of my time, maybe its the billions of ideas swirling in my head that I can't sort through, maybe its the heat.
All I know is that I hate the excuses as much as I hate that stupid little bully voice. I've said it before and I firmly believe it: I choose the direction my art takes, the way it moves. No one else does, nothing else can. Ultimately what I do and where my art takes me is largely up to me.
Twyla says it best at the end of the chapter on this topic:
"When you're in a rut, you have to question everything except your ability to get out of it."
So I'm giving myself a week. Seven days to figure out how to get out of the rut. I'm putting focus back into the forefront of my mind, pushing out all the other negative parts that don't belong and really owning the time that is mine.
How about you? How do you get out of a rut?