07 July 2011
the feeling that ties it all together...
I've been spending snippets of time in the studio where I can find it. My focus has been on continuing the Remnant collages. Laying out the foundations requires that I be in my studio, the other layers can be created while I watch tv or visit friends or when I want to indulge a whim.
I keep wandering in and looking at them. Not out of vanity, not because I think they are the end all be all but because that nagging feeling has begun again.
That wondering, ragged questioning, quiet nervousness. The feeling that pulls everything in at the edges and makes it hard to see what is right in front of me.
I've realized over the past few years that there is a constant degree of tension in art making for me. (Do you find that too?) A kind of uncertainty that is neither unpleasant or welcome. It just is.
I don't mind it. It doesn't get in my way. Like many of the idiosyncrasies that follow me into the studio, its one that has been with me for as along as I can remember and has made itself known that its not going anywhere any time soon.
We may as well be friends.
Its the feeling that makes me want to gorge on making things until I can't stand up straight anymore, to forget the clock and spend the night at my print table in my studio rather then my bed.
I find myself sitting quietly among the mess of fabric and canvases more. I'm feeling that connection to my art returning and its a kind of relief that I can't describe. It feels like I've been forgiven, like I'm back where I need to be.
Me and my restlessness.