07 January 2008

They are conspiring against me...

While the title of this post may bring to mind an attack by ninjas wielding numchucks while screeching obscenties in a language I can't identify, its meant to describe these two devils.

These two yarns could not be more different. The colors are on opposite end of the spectrum. The cream color is wool, the orange is the cheapest crappiest acrylic I ever bought (it was on sale for $1.29 and is a 325yd skein, that should have been my first clue. Its like crocheting with plastic, I kid you not.) The cream requires a size 13US knitting needle while the plastic orange only needs a size 8US.

Clearly they are very very different yarns...save for one thing...they are out to get me.

Neither one is cooperating at the moment and in an effort to get them to comply, I am going to publicly shame them on the blog. (I warned them, they scoffed off my threats but I consider the fact that I have thumbs a distinct advantage. So now their good names will be drug through the mud for all to see...)

Let's begin with that pretty cream colored yarn.

I got this yarn when Mary and I went to City Knits not too long ago. I fell in love with it immediately not only because its so soft and squishy I could use it as a pillow but because the label says to use a size 13US knitting needle. That translates into four beautiful words:

Large needle = quick product

So I plucked it off the shelf and promised to hug it and squeeze it and call it George.

But now I hate George.

I've tried knitting him, I've tried crocheting him. I've even used the wicked sized Speed Hook that I picked up for crocheting (which weighs in at a hefty 19mm, please note that a US13 needle is only 9mm) and still the fabric being produced...well...sucks. Take a look:

Looks like a freakin' dishcloth, doesn't it? That would be fine and dandy...except its supposed to be a damn scarf. And while I'm all about multi-tasking, being able to scrub the dinner plates while staying warm just sounds like a nasty proposition.

I'm open to suggestions at this point. I'm thinking about knitting it in stockinette (which I know will make it a little curly at the beginning), drowning it in the washer (at which point I will laugh maniacally as its little fibers suction themselves together) and then tossing it into the dryer. I have these little colored felted beads that would make a cute fringe. Felting may be in the future for this bugger.

The other options I have been considering involve weaving, staples and a match.

Okay, now that George has been humiliated, let's move on to his little orange friend. Meet Mr. I-Hate-You-Because-You-Feel-Like-Plastic. (That's his full name by the way.)

I cannot convey to you how much I hate this yarn. So why am I using it? Because its producing something cute. For those of you are regular readers, you will recognize this as the yarn being used for Dotty's pumpkin house.

I finished the second half of the pumpkin house. Here's are both halves:

Come on, say it with me: Aaaawwwwwwwwwwwww, isn't that adorable! Well...no, its not. And let me show you why, take a look at another picture:

See that? See how the one half can sit inside the other? Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh....its not supposed to do that.

The intent of the pumpkin house is such that Dotty can hide in it and peek out of it and sit on it and just generally pose in front of it in such a manner to entice you to make him. (This is a photo from the seller, that's why its right.)

Instead the pumpkin I created has inspired Dotty to do nothing but give me the filthiest of dirty looks. (He doesn't have eyes yet but trust me, he's glaring at me right now.)

I'm not sure what in the heck happened. Of course I don't expect them to be perfect but at least reasonably close so as to create the illusion of being correct. I'm blaming the yarn. Its clearly its fault. It even acts difficult when I take its picture. Most shots come out a glaring neon orange that could burn out your retinas but being the good blogger that I am, I torture it into submission in photoshop before I post it.

*sigh* I'm determined to finish Dotty's pumpkin. I briefly considered frogging the second half I made and then realized, "Why? Because I paid so much for the yarn? I think I can splurge and use more of the "$1.29 for 325 yards" yarn." Because after this, I will gleefly burn the Mr. I-Hate-You-Because-You-Feel-Like-Plastic. (That's his full name by the way.)

I will make another pumpkin half soon. Although, can I call it a half since it'll be the third one? What would that be called? Maybe I'll prove the saying "Third times a charm" to be true.

In the meantime, I've decided to commit to working toward entering Quilt National next year. The idea makes me twitchy but it gives me a goal concerning my art quilts. QN is the mother of all quilt shows and not all that easy to get into. I'm not sure I'm good enough but what the heck? Won't know until I get rejected...oops, that's not very positive.

So me and the vindictive yarn are going to stare at each other tonight. I'm locking them up when I go to bed, I don't trust them anymore...


Deb said...

omg...thanks for the laughs. I think felting would be a good option for the wool.

mary said...

ohh i agree felting would be good with that yarn its so pretty too the picture doesn't do it justice!
(just my two cents worth)