I'm a planner. Its engrained in me like my fingerprints, I'm always looking for a way to plot a course and organize the direction of what I do.
But lately I'm learning to let go. I'm realizing that not knowing how everything will go may be the way things should be.
I used to think that I had an end goal, a specific place I wanted my life and my art career to end up. As I putter along, from one project to the next, I'm learning to embrace the unpredictability of it all. I'll be honest, its not easy. Its like staring at a blank page and trying not to fill it, to allow the uncertainty of the vastness to loom large.
Somehow it feels like things would be easier, less stressful if I just allowed them to take their own course. Rather then struggling against the flow, trying to control the direction of things. Because the actions I take with my art are enough to push it forward, to continue its growth.
Perhaps the surrender is what its all about.
2 comments:
My *planner* phases have waxed and wained. I have found that when I try to just be-open with what comes and not guid my efforts I flounder and accomplish little. When I get specific with my goals and aims I become too rigid and miss opportunities and stress over much. My best mix is to have general goals with *next steps* laid out, but not plan the (next) next step until the last one is at least 3/4s accomplished. This gives me direction and keeps me open to re-routing, if you get my drift (pun not intend ;o).
This past year has been one of learning how to flow with time, ideas, energy and commitment. My life changed format when I retired and this year of re-focusing, re-thinking, re-grouping my energies and abilities and talents has been one of most definitely looking at that day planner that ran the show for nearly 50 years. Deadlines from others, outside of self were often the force that drove my "machine" and freedom from that force has been my greatest delight. The day planner is history, the daily writing and journaling and sketching is now finding a rhythm that works for me. Some unplanned health challenges - aren't they most often unplanned - are creating some "outside directive" to the choices I make and yet those challenges are not the same pressure that the day planner had for me. I am working with the challenges, letting go of projects that have requisite time-lines that do not allow for the give and take that health challenges call into action. It is a huge question today as I read your post whether or not the day planner, detailing steps for every project that I undertook, would have been a different experience for me if the plans were directed from within me instead of from without. Therein lies the difference I am experiencing today.. all plans are directed from my essence and therefore any "day-planner" bits to my life have more freedom than my history would reflect. So, it is choice, decision, action driven by my spirit that is a welcome, warm experience. If the day-planner comes from that core of self-direction, self-desire, then it is not burdensome.
Thank you for this post..some good thinking time was created for me by your words.
Kristin
Post a Comment