Ode to Coffee

Oh sweet brown elixir of life, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

You save me from having to purchase copious amounts of toothpicks to prop my eyelids open, thus keeping me from looking like I could star in A Clockwork Orange. Thank you.

You come in such a wide variety that one could spend their entire lives sampling you and never reach the end of the list. Although it often makes people sound like aliens from another planet while the order you, I appreciate this. Thank you.

Despite the wonders of the aforementioned varieties, I also appreciate that you are quite tasty without any flavoring or milk or sugar. Black coffee is my best friend, and also has no calories. You are always thinking of my welfare. Thank you.

There is never an inappropriate time for drinking coffee. Morning, afternoon, evening. Its all good. Everyone loves you for your versatility and socially acceptable drug induced energy. Thank you.

You are readily available at every turn. As I am too lazy to make my own coffee at home, I appreciate that there are approximately 953 coffee shops on my way to work to choose from. Thank you.

I am a regular at the Coffee Beanery closest to my house. Mainly because me driving to work without any caffeine in my system would be a bad thing. But also because it gives me a good opportunity to stare at the cute guy that also drags his tired ass in there each morning. Thank you.

You make me feel human. Which is especially important when I can’t even make it to my desk in the morning without being stopped 99 times with questions. You have saved many a life, my friend. Thank you.

While I don’t understand the point of decaf coffee, I appreciate that you are considerate of the sissies who won’t suck down twenty gallons of caffeine per day like I do. Thank you.

You may cause me to need to have Altoids on hand at all times, to need to purchase tooth whitening toothpaste to get rid of stains or to cause my hands to shake like a junkie, but these are all minor inconviences when compared to the wonderful benefits you offer me.

Thank you.

**P.S. Don’t forget the naming contest for my new assemblage doll, you have a chance until Sat March 1 to be in the running for Susana Oryan’s book, Designing the Doll.