18 July 2007

General frustration...

Surely this will come across as a somewhat whiney post but so be it...

I'm feeling generally overwhelmed lately and its showing in my artwork. Things are left undone, it takes a huge kick in the butt to get moving and its making me frustrated.

I have to start preparing myself for a move next year. A forced move at that. This is the one that is really making me feel unsettled. My job is relocating and that means I'll need to relocate to another city. Not super far away but someplace I probably wouldn't have moved to had this not happened. I've been wanting nothing more then some continuity in my life and just some plain old boring existence for a while. This is yet another major upheaval that I can't control. And its making me frustrated.

My job is running rampant with political back stabbing overtones right now. I'm watching people go into self-preservation mode and, to be honest, its sad to see them do so. They change and make me wonder just how far they will go to make sure that they survive. Who will they be willing to take out in the process? And that makes me frustrated.

My To-do list has turned rabid and I'm not sure how to make it stop growing. Seems like still so much of everything is left to me to take care of. Which leaves little down time, I'm exhausted all the time. And that makes me frustrated too.

I know this is life. I know things move quick but I realized with a shock the other day that I will be 32 soon and I've been at my job for nine years. I don't think I'm old, I'm just blown away that that number has arrived so quickly. The last few years are a blur, so much has happened and I feel like I lost a lot of time. I'm not sure how to make it slow down. All I know is something has to give. I'd like to say that hopefully it won't be my sanity but I think that disappeared long ago... ;-)

1 comment:

marion said...

You have choices, you know. It's hard to see when you're tired and things seem to be running amok in your life, but you DO have choices. Why not start with the biggie...what do YOU want in all of this? When you know what you want, it's easier to work out how to get it. And yes, I know it's hard. I went through the breakdown from hell because I refused to see that I could make choices... everything worked out for the best in the end, but it would have been easier, possibly, if I'd just taken control. Good luck.